For every musical instrument that becomes a symbol of modern music, many more are doomed to become the retarded cousin that gets stashed in the basement during dinner parties. Below, we present the best of those retarded cousins.

9. The Callioflute

What is it?

This instrument consist of 12 fountains of water arranged around a circular tube. When the player blocks one or more of these fountains with his fingers, the water is forced through a heated cylinder and converted to steam. Each cylinder has holes in it which cause the steam to create a whistling sound when it passes through. Describing this instrument produces all sorts of interesting sexual innuendo - but that's pretty much all it's good for.

Why is it Ridiculous?

For a moment, let's ignore the fact that anyone watching a Callioflute performer would invariably pee their pants halfway into a song. We are more concerned that it dribbles water all over the floor. There is no telling how many stage musicians were killed by electrocution during a wicked Callioflute sol; with death being caused by soaked wiring or the performer deciding that the acoustic version of the Callioflute wasn't edgy enough.

8. The Celestial Harp

What is it?

This is essentially a wooden box with 72 strings arranged in a circular pattern from the edges into the center. To play the instrument, the strings can be plucked, hammered or strummed. Oh...and you have to walk around the damn thing to play it. The creator claims that the shape of the box was designed to mimic the zodiac, the pyramids, the solar system and the stars in the sky. Funny, because it seems to mimic a guy who has way too much time on his hands - and far more access to woodworking equipment than anyone should need.

Why is it Ridiculous?

Many an audience has died of old age waiting for Captain Box-harp to tune his ungodly creation. Remember when Metallica teamed up with the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra? Well this guy was plan B, so you're fucking lucky!

7. Didjibodhrán

What is it?

This is a hybrid instrument that consists of a wind instrument wrapped around a drum. The drum's sound is modified by the vibration of the air as it passes through the wooden tube. To put it another way, this instrument combines the primal sound of the drum with the allure of fellating a tribesman.

Why is it Ridiculous?

Of course, you could get a Didjibodhrán that doesn't make you look like a fluffer in a National Geographic documentary - but where's the fun in that? Worse still, the guy's right hand look like it's gently caressing the tribesman's bum. While there is nothing wrong with sex acts between consenting tribesmen, your stage presence will benefit immensley if you can avoid simulating oral sex and/or anal play with a piece of wood.